


Job Satisfaction

by Gwynne



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-18
Updated: 2012-05-29
Packaged: 2017-11-05 14:01:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwynne/pseuds/Gwynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some jobs are better than others....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

+++

Sometimes an Imperial Auditor gets shot at.

Sometimes an Imperial Auditor is kidnapped and threatened.

Sometimes an Imperial Auditor is stranded, alone, surrounded by hostile agents, fighting for his life any way he can.

Lucky sods.

+++

Miles Vorkosigan, Imperial Auditor, stared glumly at his latest assignment. “But Gregor…”

Gregor raised a hand to halt the latest complaint, “Miles, you do know that my word is law, yes?”

“Yes, but…”

“And, as Imperial Auditor, you are under oath to obey me in all things?”

“Of course, but Gregor…”

“Without question or argument?”

“Of course. But I just…”

“So why have I just spent ten minutes listening to you complain about your latest Auditorial assignment?”

Miles glared at his beloved emperor, “But Gregor…I never question your orders, of course –“

“…And sometimes you even obey them…”

“I always obey them. Sometimes the conditions on the ground mean that the parameters of the mission need to be adjusted…”

“…Or added to, changed, reworked or completely ignored…”

“Never ignored.” There was a humph of wounded dignity.

“True. In your own way you always carry out the mission. And it usually bears at least some similarity to the original assignment. So what’s the problem this time?”

Miles leaned back in his chair, outrage in every line, “Gregor - another committee? Surely I can serve the Imperium much better in some other way? Isn’t there an investigation that needs… investigating?”

“No interesting mysteries on the horizon right now, no.” Gregor was trying hard to maintain Imperial decorum, and not grin outright.

“How about something diplomatic? Treaty negotiations?”

“Miles, we’re not at war with anyone right now, and I’d like to keep it that way. Nothing diplomatic. Committee.”

“But… “

“The answer you’re looking for is ‘Yes, Gregor.’ ”

“Yes, Gregor, I know, but…”

Gregor watched the emotions crossing Miles’s face. “But? But doesn’t sound like ‘Yes’. You’re not arguing, are you?”

There was a fraught silence until he couldn’t hold the words back any longer, “It’s a committee, Gregor! You know what it’s like – people take so long to agree, and they… they…”

“They don’t agree with you on the spot and let you do whatever you want. You have to persuade, argue, plot, finagle and do some things I probably don’t want to know about. And you can’t shoot any of them.”

“Hmph.”

Fortunately at this point the arrival of Laisa and Ekaterin, fresh from a planning tour of the gardens by the East Wing, and some servants bearing trays of tea, coffee and assorted tempting dainties, headed off a case of auditorial sulks. The whole party moved out of the office, setting themselves up in a favourite, sunny corner of the gardens.

Ekaterin smiled at Miles hopefully, “Do you have another assignment?” Much as she adored her husband, she sometimes found that her life ran more smoothly when her husband was busy. 

He nodded glumly, “It’s a committee.”

Gregor smiled grimly, “But not a new one, Miles – this is just an… extension… of your previous work. It’s an overhaul of the UR regulations that you led the committee through so effectively, a few years ago.”

“Again? But surely it’s not out of date already!”

“Ah Miles, you underestimate the inventiveness of our fellow Counts.”

Laisa waved the servants away and poured the coffee, making sure it was exactly as each person liked it. She’d learnt well from Alys, and was privately proud of how effortless most of her social duties had become. There were a few moments of peace as everyone sipped and nibbled.

“Inventive?” Miles was starting to tune in to his new assignment.

Gregor smiled and leaned back, stretching out his long legs comfortably, “Never underestimate the determination of a Barrayaran Count, when inheritances are at stake.”

“I thought we’d covered all the possibilities.”

“You had. Until Count Dono came along, and shook things up again. And now we have another Count who’s found a way to combine Nexus technology and Barrayaran bloody-minded determination.”

“It’s not Vormuir again, surely? I thought we’d sorted that one out.”

“And amended the laws so that it can’t be repeated in any way. No more large-scale child-factories. No, this is something we haven’t seen before.”

Miles waited, determined not to break first.

Gregor nibbled his cream cake in silent appreciation.

Laisa and Ekaterin discussed the new gardens Ekaterin was planning, Laisa’s official visit to the university for the inauguration of the School of Business Studies, and the latest triumphs of their assorted offspring. Peace reigned in the garden.

“Oh fine, then I’ll ask. What is it this time?” 

There was a general effort at grin suppression around the table.

Gregor took his time over a final sip of coffee, then put the cup down carefully, “It’s old Count Vortaine.” 

“He hasn’t finally died, has he? Or named an heir at last? Or married one of his maids and started a sprog?”

“Close. In a way. He’s … taking advantage of Nexus technology.”

Miles ground his teeth and waited.

Gregor relented, although gently baiting Miles was often the best part of his job, “He’s started a clone.”

“A clone? We did cover that in the regulations. He can’t – he’s not going to go for a brain transplant, is he? That’s utterly and completely banned, we made sure of that.” Miles sat up straight, outraged at the thought of it.

“No, not that. But the Count has no surviving sons or grandsons. He does have two brothers, five nephews and three great-nephews. And he hates them all like poison. Very argumentative man, Count Vortaine.” 

“And so? He’s started a clone? But we made the law clear on that – a clone is counted as a sibling, effectively a later-born twin.”

“Yes, he’s calling it his brother, his twin born more than three-quarters of a century later. And he’s already named it his heir, although it’s still in the replicator.”

Miles frowned, “We did say that replicator babies had to be born within a marriage for the child to be legitimate for inheritance purposes. A Count and his Countess have to produce the heir, one way or another. Vortaine isn’t married, so the baby, poor little sprog, isn’t legitimate.”

“Ah, here’s where it gets interesting. He’s claiming that since the baby is his clone, and therefore effectively his sibling, it is legitimate, since it was produced by a married Count and Countess – Vortaine’s parents, both dead for more than half a century.”

“Ah. Well, I suppose…”

“And his family are finally united, to challenge that decision. They claim that the parents must be married, and alive, when the cells go into the replicator. Spirit of the law.”

“I can see…”

“But there’s several Counts who were born a suspiciously short time after their parents married, back in the pre-replicator days, or simply from more old-fashioned families. In fact, in some cultural groups it’s expected that the young couple will…er… prove their fertility… before the wedding is finalised.” Gregor ignored the mutter of ‘Greekie hicks’ from Miles. “So the dividing line for legitimate or illegitimate is causing some concern. And there’s quite a bit of interest from other Counts who’ve been doing some quick mental arithmetic, and calendar checking, of their own birth dates compared to their parents’ wedding. And from their heirs, or from relatives who were their rivals for the Countship.”

Laisa shook her head, “But legitimacy isn’t always a requirement, Counts can choose anyone as their heir.”

“Yes, but it has to get past the CoC. And some of them are still smarting over Dono Vorrutyer and Rene Vorbretten. They’d like to get some revenge for losing those votes. And some others are wondering about their chances of calling for a challenge vote in the CoC. There’s some younger High-Vor brothers who’ve been learning to count to nine lately.” 

Miles grimaced at the thought of the dinosaurs fighting a rearguard action against reality, and the future.

“The old guard want to stop the rot and return to the good old days? They have bad memories. The good old days weren’t all that good.” Ekaterin had been well-schooled by the Professora.

“But less complicated.” Gregor sighed, “It’s always so tempting to wish for simple solutions.”

Miles glared at Gregor, “So that’s all I have to do? Sort out a definition of legitimacy that covers all possible situations without disinheriting anyone, stop the Counts cloning themselves – ye gods, imagine the CoC stocked with the same characters forever – sort out the Vortaine family yet again, smooth down all the ruffled feathers, and protect the poor innocent baby being born into all of this?”

“I don’t mind if you ruffle a few people.” Gregor’s voice was calm, “But Vortaine has announced that he’s going to raise his clone-brother with the plan that, in time, the younger clone will clone himself too. He claims that the next clone will also qualify as a late-born twin. In fact, Vortaine has decided that he’ll be cloned and recloned forever, so doing away with the need for wives, or indeed any other relatives. He’s stored some DNA samples so that his line will continue no matter what.”

There was silence for a few moments as they all digested the ramifications of this.

Laisa spoke slowly, “No need for Countesses?”

“Or families? No need for most of the High Vor society?” Ekaterin was torn between outrage and amusement.

Miles nodded, “It’s not easy to see the use of some of High Vor society anyway. But … it would certainly change the Empire. And the way the CoC functions.”

Laisa was building up a head of steam, “He’s a misogynistic old dinosaur at the best of times, and now he wants to cut women out of even the very limited roles that they have in Vor society?” Ekaterin nodded in agreement. The two men looked as if they were considering ducking for cover. “As well as sorting out this immediate situation, we need a committee to look at the status of women in the Empire. The rules change from one planet to another, and even from one level of society to another. And we’re so far behind the Nexus it’s embarrassing. And there’s been huge advances in some arenas, no change in others. And… “ She stopped to draw breath, and looked at the three Vor sitting with her, “… I’m sorry. I know. Cordelia’s told me how much worse it was when she came here. I know there’s been a lot done. But … we don’t just need more, we need a plan.” 

She sat back, suddenly embarrassed at her outburst. Gregor was looking grave, and concerned. Ekaterin and Miles tried to pretend they hadn’t heard anything.

Gregor straightened, and nodded decisively towards Miles, “My Lord Auditor, I charge you with the responsibility to produce an equitable and cohesive policy for the advancement of women in Our Empire.”

“TWO committees! Gregor - !” Miles drew a breath, then met his Emperor’s calm gaze, “Yes Gregor. Of course. But… two committees?”

Gregor relented, “Never mind Miles, I promise that if a nice murder or an intricate and challenging political plot comes up, you’ll be top of the list. To solve it, I mean.”

“Committees.” Miles groaned then brightened, “But… I can choose whoever I want to be ON those committees, yes?”

“Of course.”

Miles chuckled, “I wonder if the Vicereine would like an extra job? I’m sure she’d have plenty to say about the subject…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you know all those old folk tales where the count tries to get rid of his only daughter's unsuitable suitor by giving him three impossible tasks?"
> 
> "Yes . . ."
> 
> "Don't ever try that with Miles. Just . . . don't." 
> 
> (ACC)

“Ah, my Lord Auditor, you have a progress report?” 

Miles slumped into a chair opposite Gregor’s desk, “I have the power to order executions, don’t I?”

“Yes, but not of fellow committee members.”

“Damn.”

Both men sipped coffee for a few moments in amicable silence.

“So… it’s all going as expected then?” Gregor leaned back in his chair and studied his newest Auditor. 

“Official report. Yes. Well, I’ve convened a… committee….” Miles sounded as if it hurt to even say the word, “… to deal with the cloning issue, and we’ve started to rough out some ideas. I’ve got a geneticist, a couple of lawyers, two of the less feral Counts, Helga Vormuir, Professora Vorthys and a couple of bureaucrats. One of your staffers helped me choose the bureaucrats. Bliss. It’s taken a week to just get an agenda together. But I have a couple of ideas… give me another few weeks, or more likely months at this rate, and then…”

“And then, after they’ve discussed it all at length, in exhaustive detail, they’ll come to exactly the same conclusions as you’ve already drawn. Wouldn’t it save time to just give them to me now?” There was a weariness in Gregor’s voice, Miles could tell that this was one of his less rewarding days, dealing with one problem after another. He straightened a little in his seat – the least he could do for his emperor right now was to avoid being one of the problems. Sometimes the best you can be is comic relief.

“But Gregor, where’s the fun in that? Besides, think of the valuable contribution we’re making to the catering industry – every meeting means another meal. Those lunches keep a lot of people in a job, you know. And it’s worth it for the fun of seeing Helga Vormuir explain replicator use to Henri Vorvolk – the man still blushes at the mention of reproduction – or of hearing Helen Vorthys lecturing bureaucrats and Counts alike on the real workings of Barrayaran government. That woman is amazing, truly. Her description of some of the nastier bits of the Bloody Centuries almost cleared the room at one point.”

Gregor almost smiled, “Just so long as you’re having fun. And your other committee?”

“Ah yes. Well, I’m working on selecting the committee members at the moment. One of your staffers gave me a list of possibles – people who’ve been vetted and are suitable for selection. I pointed out that a committee on the status of women should probably have at least one woman ON the committee. I’ve been working on my own list. And I want to invite a number of people to make submissions and to give testimony about – well, basically, I want to find out what women want. What they see as their greatest needs. I’m sure there’s problems you and I aren’t even aware of to add to my list. And then there’s the differences between Vor and prole experiences. And Komarr and Sergyar too – I don’t know if we need to make any changes there as well. And… it’s going to be a bigger job than I realised. I do have an idea for a few of the people I want testimony from. I’ll give you a list of them, and the committee, when I get things sorted.”

“And can I expect to see the Vicereine on either of those lists? Or both?”

“Oh, she’ll be in there somewhere. Everywhere, knowing her. And I wondered… um… I know I can command anyone in the Empire as needed… er… I wondered about… inviting, not commanding, of course… the Empress?”

There was silence for a few moments, “Laisa? For this…”

“The Empress. For a committee that’s going to overhaul Barrayaran society completely, by the time we’re done.”

Gregor was quiet for a few moments, “It’s taken so long for her to win acceptance from the more conservative elements on Barrayar… this might…”

“Blast them into splinters? Yes. Would that be such a bad thing? It’d make a lot more people happy than the ones complaining. And… she’d bring a perspective that the committee would need. Of course, it’d totally disrupt her schedule, and cause all kinds of protocol and security problems, and drive ImpSec, the CoC AND the Residence bureaucracy crazy.” Miles didn’t sound at all worried about any of that.

Gregor smiled slowly, “Let’s… see what happens. But Miles – ask her. Nicely. Once doesn’t command an Empress, not even if you’re an Auditor.” And, probably, not even if you’re an Emperor, Miles thought – but was wise enough to keep the thought to himself. Gregor and Laisa were blissfully happy, he wasn’t going to rock that boat for anything. As a married man himself, he’d learnt the value of those important words, “Yes, dear.” 

Gregor leaned back in his chair, unwinding a little now, “And have you decided yet what this committee, after a year or two of careful consideration, are going to announce as their findings?”

Miles did his best at outraged dignity, “I would never presume… and I haven’t had time yet, anyway. I only have a few ideas so far. But speaking of the whole women question – I’ve been doing some preliminary research,” he eyed Gregor carefully, “And I’d just like to say, in my defence, that I was off-planet for the best part of a decade. And not into politics when I was home.”

“Oh?” Gregor waited.

“Yes, otherwise I’d have realised what you and my parents were up to.”

A glimmer of an Imperial smile, “And just what are we up to, my Lord Auditor?”

Miles leaned forward, speaking earnestly, “For the last thirty years there has been a series of slow, tiny changes to our legal and social systems. Just small twitches to the marriage laws, business and inheritance regulations, education… tiny little changes to eliminate problems or get rid of out-dated laws, or whatever else it was explained as at the time. Just small things, here and there, slipped in with other business and nobody paid much attention. For the last thirty years,” he glared sternly, “first my parents, and then you, have been setting the stage for this. We’ve finally got down to the last steps, the ones that can’t be slipped past without people noticing.”

“And you’re sure that this was all part of some long-term plan?”

“Gregor – this is DEVIOUS. It’s sly and sneaky and … weaselly! I’m proud of you all. I just wonder what else you’ve slipped through the CoC when I wasn’t looking.”

“Let’s just get this lot done first.” Gregor seemed quite proud to be accused of weasel-hood. 

Miles leapt up and started pacing across the office, he was never good at staying still for long, “Gregor, do you realise that more than half the small businesses on Barrayar are at least partly owned by women? And more than half the university enrolments are women? Most of the lawyers, half of the medical profession, and… when did this happen?”

“Miles, your own wife runs a small business. And has recently completed a university degree. You had to be aware of this sort of thing before?”

“I didn’t realise it was so…”

“Nobody has realised. Yet. But they’re about to.” 

“Ohhh Gregor, this is going to be epic!”

Gregor nodded happily, “Yes, this is one time I’m happy to unleash you. We can’t slide the next steps through. Just what do you think the committee will decide to aim for? Not that you’ve decided anything yet, of course.”

Miles perched on the desk, “Well, nothing is definite, of course, the committee has to … and we’ll need to hear the submissions, and there’s probably a dozen or more minor changes we can make, but… as I’m sure you already know, there’s three big things that need to be done, I’m not sure what we’ll go for.” He counted them off on his fingers, “First, women to take the same oaths as men. Their first loyalty will be to the Emperor, second to their partner, just like men. A few squeals from the dinosaurs on that one, but mostly it’ll sail through, and it’ll make them eligible for so many positions they can’t take up yet. Second, opening all government and diplomatic positions to women. There’s so many women with training in law, and accountancy, and engineering, and all the rest of it, there’s more than enough well-qualified young women to take the first steps there. And thirdly…” He paused for effect, enjoying the drama, “Thirdly… we open the military to women. Gregor, it’s time. Just think what the dinosaurs will do when that one hits!”

There was a long pause, “Miles… I know those steps are coming, but we can’t take them all at once.”

“It’d be glorious, wouldn’t it. Hit ‘em so hard they won’t know which way to turn. I’d love to see them all happening.”

“Miles… not even you can get all three of those passed at the same time.”

It was like the moment when you hear a click and realise just too late that you’ve stepped on a land mine.

“…not that I mean that as a challenge, of course….” But Gregor knew it was too late.

They stared at each other for a moment in silence, then Miles spoke, slowly, “Well… it’d make Mother happy.”

“Pleasing Aunt Cordelia is always a plus.” 

“Yes, and Barrayar has seen what happens when someone pisses her off. See? Already we have a strategy forming. Ohhh Gregor – let’s see what happens…” 

Just for a moment the family resemblance was obvious, in their identical evil grins.


End file.
